Better Mental Health
Parent Leader Ashton Nicole Carter
Hello my name is Ashton Carter. Some things I love to do in my free time are spending time with my kids, going shopping and watching scary videos on YouTube. I also like getting my nails done, getting tattoos, playing with my dogs and going to the zoo with my boys. “Without true pain one could never know true happiness.” - Kevin Gates.
Heads Up: Sensitive Content Alert. In our latest blog post, we're sharing a brave parent leader's firsthand experience navigating mental health challenges. While it's an inspiring read, please note that it contains some graphic content. Read on to discover her journey of resilience and triumph.
Back in 2013 when I was a sophomore in high school there was a girl that always picked on me because I was “different.” Because I was in an IEP class (Individualized Education Program) for my epilepsy, she would bully me every day and called me fat and ugly. She even threatened to kill me. I was also getting mentally abused at home and was being told that I was a disappointment.
I started getting into a dark place which led to harming myself and hanging out with a bad crowd. I started doing drugs and getting into trouble with the law. My family decided to put me into a mental health facility and it was my only safe place. Once I got out of that facility I kept going back. I ended up going there seven times in 2014.
I had a caseworker and I told her I was depressed. She then called another mental health facility. I called it a scary place but I ended up going. On the walls of the dark staircase were pictures of the old nuns. I realized it was an old church that was turned into a hospital. The nurses were very rude, we couldn't eat or drink and I remember being given medication with no explanation. I asked the nurse what it was because I was all allergic to everything, but she never answered me. After a while, I was taken back to my room and was able to sleep for the entire time I was there. I went home with my mother later. My nightmares from 2015 are still haunted by the scary place I visited.
I started seeing a therapist because I was still getting bullied at school but it did not help. I felt like I wasn’t being heard at school or with my therapist. I kept getting treated like a kid so I stopped taking my medication. Since nothing helped me, I was put back into my safe place.
Since then, I discovered that keeping my mind busy kept the dark thoughts away. My strategy was to list things I like to do and use them as coping skills. These things included listening to music, taking a bath, painting, playing with my dogs, hanging out with my friends and even going to work. It was returning to my safe place in 2015 that really changed my life.
My mentor, Mr. Mo, worked there and after sharing a story about his brother, he asked me to make a promise. He said “Ashton, I don’t want to see you in here again. I don’t want you to end up like my brother that killed himself in front of me. Promise me you will do better.” I made that promise that day and nine years later I still look back on that promise and I live by that promise. I still have my “bad” days but I still keep using my coping skills and I am thriving. After making that promise, I graduated school early in the beginning of April in 2015 but I still walked with my class.
What is next? Well I’m hoping my story will impact people’s lives like my mentor's story impacted me and made me do so much more with my life like being a mother and a wife. I even hope to work at my safe place soon
As I continue my journey, I’m here to listen to other’s stories that struggle with mental illness. I also like to share resources like the NAMI Helpline for those struggling with their mental health.
Don’t be afraid to reach out. Just know that you are loved and you are wanted and if your coping skills don’t work don’t be afraid to try something new.
